4.23.2024 - da game :3

    i helped work on our roblox game a little more..:3 it was a big struggle BYE.. ijust spent 2 hours struggling to get something to work but i got it liek 80% working so... i wnted to add a teleport function to the game through a very specific way but for now i decided to settle on just Being able to teleport so.. i made a little menu and got that to work, its just, the frickin mouse acts weird when you click on buttons... and no matter what i tried it would not fix even though i know where the issue is i just dont know what to do to fix it : ( wel.. i wil try more later.. caus it liek 2:09 am now HELP MEE!! i so eeper..snzzz! gn!

4.15.2024 - thinking about game development...

    hmnn... been thinking about making games again.... recently i played undertale yellow and it really reminded me of how much i love indie games, and how much i want to make my own! in all honesty, the reason why we first got into coding was solely because of undertale back in like.. 2016? which is crazy to think about FHJSDHS.. we have so many oc stories and worlds that we want to develop and make into games but it is difficult..! it is really hard to finish things, maybe its because of adhd, but being consistent with work and actually doing stuff to make our games is soo hard. man. :( even so i still havent given up and i think we'll take it slow, since it is difficult for us to find time to work on it..! i hope to share our silly stories and maybe people will like the worlds and have fun with them as well.. :3 yay!
    but if im being honest,, it is really hard, since i dont have many friends or people to talk to about. well. a lot of things, and in this case, not a lot of friends who are also into game development,, it is VERY hard to find people i click with (big red arrow pointing to avpd) but i try . forever. and have been trying for so many years HELP. i just wish i could meet other people who are like me and share interests so i can talk with them : ( ughh i have no idea how. i put myself out there as much as i can and often get hurt but its okay . i keep trying and hoping and loving and maybe one day the world will return me the favor ... and if youre reading this and you share my interests Pls . Pls interact waaaaaaaaa

2.28.2024 - a little thoughts about life and websites :3

    been thinking about a lot of things, but i kind of wanted to ramble about why we wanted to make a site for us..:3 i really enjoy the ability of self-expression through creative stuff like art, music, characters, stories, and of course, coding and website design! we've always resorted to artistic things since we were young to express ourself and i think most people love creative stuff/expressing themselves, it is a hard thing to do... and for us, we have a lot of identity issues and mental health struggles.
    depression kicks our ass like it kicks everyones asses! recently, in therapy, we've been thinking about what purpose is there for us in life? we thought for the longest time that our purpose was just to enjoy life.. like, thats not a bad thing, right? theres no wrong way to live, so living a life for just enjoyment and being happy is a good enough. thats what i thought, but we realized that during depressive episodes, when we cant feel a drop of joy at all... enjoyment is not the thing we should be chasing! that is really no different from chasing happiness: we were chasing an emotion, a feeling, not a purpose! feelings change all the time, you will never feel constantly happy or sad... brain chemicals are weird. so what is a "purpose"? we felt pretty empty when we realized we didnt know - why do people live? what do they do with their lives? our therapist asked us questions, "do you feel purpose from helping people?" not really.. "do you want to startup a business and have the freedom of creating your own work life?" no... "do you want to find love and fulfillment from a relationship?" no... i really dont.
    he tasked us to write down things we enjoy during the week, whatever makes us feel even the smallest bit of happiness, so we did that. it ended up being nothing, besides one thing: art! when we brought this info back, he told us: "you find purpose in creativity, its something you enjoy like a lot of other people - creating things!" and.. maybe that shouldve been obvious, but i never really realized creativity could be a purpose in life. i didnt really think it was a thing people could pursue, i guess..! but being told that has helped me change my view... i do enjoy creativity, and not only that - since then, ive learned we also enjoy the pursuit of knowledge for the sake of it. we love learning things! not in a research sense, not in a scientific, studied environment, but just learning things.. like reading people's experiences in books, or even in neocities journals! (unironically though, people on neocities are so open and true about themselves that it fills us with passion. thank you to everyone who puts themself out on this website - we can feel your heart and realness through your words and you have no idea how much that means to us. please keep doing what you do! :3)
    now that we know two things we value in life (even through the worst of depression), im not too sure what to do yet.. there isnt anything "to do" right now, cause life is not about rushing and getting things done as fast and efficiently as we can. we're not robots! as much as society may want us to be. but i like knowing this, and because of that, we've been motivated more to work on our web. we made this site back in 2022 - it was actually our old system hosts who made it, they tried using a free template and didnt like how it looked so they gave up, hehe. i ended up giving a crack at it myself in october of 2022 and made this site. "mono's city," it was called! red, black, yellow themes and all. im really proud of what i made and im even more glad to have been able to improve in our html/css knowledge over the years, it is such a good fucking feeling hfjsjdh. i love learning so much, and i love being able to make creative stuff like websites to not just express myself but constantly learn more and explore other's hearts and minds too. i love this stuff!!!!! and i love people who express themselves!! thank you :D

2.26.2024 - eeeeeeeksjdejhdhavj <3 blehhh

    uhmm um,.. did you know.. I LOVE MY HUSBAND VERY MUCH!!!!!!!!! hes so silly and funny and i love him wuaa <3 he takes care of me and is so nice to me nmd i want to kiss him all day :3 i love u so much...wuaaa ♡♡

2.23.2024 - a guy full of eepiness

    HELLOO! First thing im writing :3 I dont think Ill be putting much here besides stuff I find interesting! Ive been updating my site a lot, I added CSS animations to the main page and created an about page, interests page, art page with a nicely working gallery, and a blogs page now! I just have the links page to finish up later! But it is 11:44 PM right now, and I'm a bit exhausted.. I think ill do that tomorrow, today was tiring! :3
    Im excited to play in the phestival tomorrow in PHIGHTING!! #TeamCrowFTW Hehe, but I do think itll be pretty equal between the teams 'cuz of the skill levels (seemingly).. all im saying is The haters are going to sabotage me! /j
    Besides that.. I've been listening to "Left Right Left" by Sparkbird..! It's a really good song, and it resonates with all of us so much for some reason. I think it could be the themes of oceans, birds, and emotions.. its such a good song, I really hope more people listen to Sparkbird's music! We've been listening to a lot recently because it's helping us through a real tough depressive episode.. The feelings really hit home, ya know?!
    Anyways, that's all i wanted to write for today, i think! :3 this bat is going to crawl into his husbands arms... Goodnight, and enjoy your day!!